“While there are some things I would have liked to change, I don’t regret how I was raised,” he said. “Like I said before, it’s all I know.”
“Think of all you missed. Life in the suburbs can be pretty exciting. Barbecues, mowing the lawn, school dances.” Her voice was low and teasing.
He chuckled in response. “You make it sound so tempting.” He shifted his arm and rested his hand on her head. Long fingers stroked her hair. “I haven’t lived any part of the American dream. Sometimes I wonder how I would have been different if my grandfather hadn’t come to get me.”
“You would be a different person. We’re shaped by our experiences.”
“The old nature-versus-nurture argument. But you’re right. I would be different. How did we get on this topic of conversation?”
“We started out talking about firsts. First kiss, first love.” She frowned. “If you don’t believe love exists, then you’ve never loved anyone.”
He stiffened slightly. “I cared for my grandfather very much. He was important to me. I have friendships that matter. But romantic love, no.”
He spoke the words so easily, yet her reaction to them was anything but casual. Her heart tightened in her chest and her throat closed. She wanted him to believe in love, which was insane. What did it matter to her? His stay in town was very temporary. Even if it wasn’t, she wasn’t interested in any kind of entanglement.
“We are a sorry pair,” she said lightly, as much to conceal her emotions from him as to convince herself that she was fine. “You don’t believe in love. I believe in it, but I want to avoid it at all costs. I refuse to hurt that much again.”
“Just think of the heartache we’re saving ourselves.”
“Agreed. Except…” Her voice trailed off.
“Except what?”
“I can’t help wondering what we’re missing. Look at Cassie. She’s so different from me. She leads with her chin and wears her heart on her sleeve. There are probably other clichés that apply, but I can’t think of them right now. The point is she just puts it all on the line.”
“Is she happy with her boyfriend?”
“Good question. I don’t know. I hope so. I think she’s settling for Joel, but then I’m not the one in the relationship.”
“Sometimes people would rather accept what they can get instead of spending their time wishing for the moon.”
It felt so good and right to be in his arms, she thought. She didn’t ever want to leave. If the price of this moment was another day of hiking in the Cascade Mountains, then it was a small payment. She liked the heat of him, the scent of him, the feeling of safety, the way her body was slowly coming alive.
“According to your fan club online, you’re something of a superhero, Arizona. Are you telling me you couldn’t get me the moon?”
“Hey, I’m just a guy.”
“Oh, but what a guy.”
She made the statement without thinking. Arizona raised himself up on one elbow and stared down at her. Light from the fire flickered on his face. His gaze locked with hers. Sometimes she didn’t know what he was thinking, but this time she had no trouble reading his thoughts.
The heat between them flared instantly as her body went up in flames. She knew what he was going to say even before he spoke.
“I want you.”
Those three words stole her breath. Every part of her melted in anticipation.
“I want you,” he repeated as he traced a line from her cheekbone to the corner of her mouth.
It wasn’t going to mean anything, she told herself. It was impossible that this would be for more than one night. In the end, it wouldn’t be more real than the dream. Was that enough for her? Could she live with those rules and not have regrets?
Her first lover had been Billy. Her second, a boy in college. She’d hoped he would help her forget her first love, but the plan hadn’t worked. The lovemaking had been disappointing. The only time in her life she thought she might have experienced ultimate pleasure had been during the dream about Arizona. What if reality didn’t live up to that billing?
What if it was better?
She continued to look at him as she realized it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to be with him because of her body, she wanted to be with him because of her heart. It wasn’t love, she reminded herself. She wouldn’t do that again. But it was respect and caring. Wasn’t that enough?
“I’ve never made love in a sleeping bag,” she said at last.
“Actually, I haven’t either, but I understand it can be done. There are, however, certain limitations.”